The Roost 2005 Directed by: Ti West Cast: Tom Noonan, Karl Jacobs, Vannessa Horneff, Sean Reid, Will Horneff, Barbara Wilhide

Written by: Jaysin Champion AKA Jay Decay January 16, 2007

Oh holy crap friends, this movie is probably going to get me in trouble for doing a review on but damn it lets trudge through because I really want to warn you all about this huge dump better known as The Roost.

So as the story starts we're put on the set of an old spook show set hosted by a grim character known as, well, simply, The Horror Host, played by Tom Noonan, better known for his roles in the movies F/X, Robocop 2, Heat, Manhunter, Wolfen, and his great characters The Ripper from Last Action Hero and Frankenstein in the all time best 80's horror cult kid classic Monster Squad. Anyways this great man, this great actor, is host to a made up monster theatre show where he introduces this atrocious little ditty which is sad because he really is a great actor. I feel bad for him; maybe I'll look for him and tell him how sad I am for him….. Maybe not.

Anyways back to the movie. So we have 4 young teenagers going to a friends wedding on Halloween, of all days to leave for a wedding, when one of the teens decides he'd beat traffic by taking a shortcut down and old eerie road, like most stories go, and as they cross this really cool old looking wooden bridge a bat flies out of left field into the windshield which causes a wreck that makes you nauseous to watch due to the excessive shaking of the camera and what not.

So anyways the teens are stranded and take refuge at an abandoned house where two of the boys decide "hey, let’s go look for help or something to get into trouble with" so they go off and sure enough, find trouble in an old barn full of flesh eating bats. And that's where the fun starts.
Needless to say this movie goes as all movies of its' kind go, to the end, which was about an hour to late. The best thing about this movie is the end, and that's about it.
Now on a side note there's one thing that I think makes no sense in this movie and that's the fact that when the vampires eat the people in this movie they turn into something ghoulish but WHAT? Is it a vampire? Is it a zombie? Why the hell does whatever it is roar like a lion?  Is it even worth wondering? Probably not, either way the effects on said "things" was ok, but not enough to distinguish what the hell they were exactly.

Anyways there IS a few things I give this movie credit for, eerie violin music throughout the movie, a cool sounding radio show that everyone seems to be listening to is kind of cool and one scene in the movie where a police officer jumps out the upper level door from the barn to the ground below in total sight was Hilarious! Other than that this movie stunk out loud.

The breakdown of The Roost is as follows:

Body Count: 7

Boob Count: 0, and I feel that boobs might have saved this movie, the only girl in the flick, besides an 80 something year old woman, was kind of cute.

Other: 1 Mutilated Deer, don’t go all out on the budget now friends!